tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19315762011-04-21T15:11:31.908-07:00holy mother of odin!you see, it is simply a very young girl's record of her own thoughts and impressions, and consequently meant for publication.
--Oscar WildePaznoreply@blogger.comBlogger10651100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1113473865711467052005-04-14T03:15:00.000-07:002005-04-14T03:17:45.713-07:00I don't know that it was serious.But every once in a while, sexism can hurt. Badly.Thanks, my friends. I'll make sure to keep wearing the skimpy clothing, since that's all I have to offer you.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1088864014808332912004-07-03T07:12:00.000-07:002004-07-03T07:13:34.806-07:00life goes on but i'm gone
off to explore rhode island where there may or may not be an internet connection.
mwah!Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1088758642295499942004-07-02T01:56:00.000-07:002004-07-02T01:57:32.473-07:00short and sweet
help! i need a serious monologue for a high-school-age female! gah!
monologue searching is a pain in the butt.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1088669086414616622004-07-01T01:00:00.000-07:002004-07-01T01:10:50.566-07:00spider-man, you're so strong
as we drove back from spider-man 2, the conversation naturally revolved around various aspects of the movie: the bad science, the lack of any m-j rhyme-ful stylin, etc. eventually, as was inevitable, the conversation turned toward the softer aspects of the film:
me: i cried.
sol: you what?
me: i cried. tobey maguire made me cry.
sol: poor peter parker. everyone Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1088577815545790772004-06-29T13:33:00.000-07:002004-06-29T23:54:12.826-07:00revenge is a dish that is best served cold
there's something surreal and humiliating about being told that since the clothing at the gap (yes, yes, sweatshops, i know) doesn't fit you, you should probably go check out gap kids. i was so proud of myself when i bought my first pair of pants from the grown up gap in seventh grade, convinced that i had put the frivolity of the kids branch behind Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1088151980157828882004-06-25T00:57:00.000-07:002004-06-25T17:08:11.430-07:00and a one and a two and a
you know what i hate? lying. it's so inconvenient, because one lie creates another, and then *poof* you're a spelunker from costa rica or something bizarre like that.
not that that's ever happened to me. really.
but i do hate it. i get very nervous when i lie. "where've you been?" my parents would ask in ninth grade, and instead of saying "oh, you know, tied up to Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1088113757645339092004-06-24T14:39:00.000-07:002004-06-24T14:49:17.646-07:00what is your name? what is your quest?
last night, i dreamt about picking up a pile of white lingerie—thigh high nylons, garter belts, lacey bras—while my mother exchanged small talk with a teacher on the other side of the room. problem was, the pile kept growing. i'd stuff a set of fishnets into my bag only to discover that there were another four garter belts and a single stocking wrapped Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1087889392845945812004-06-21T22:30:00.000-07:002004-06-22T00:29:52.846-07:00kiss me
remember that song that was big six or so years ago—you know, the one that went "kiss me, beneath the da-da-da-da" except that instead of "da-da-da-da" there were actual words?
no? darn. because i have it stuck in my head.
my cat keeps making hacking hairball noises, but nothing seems to come out. at least, i have not encountered any messes, so i'm hoping there isn't one somewhere Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1087800529291568922004-06-20T23:43:00.000-07:002004-06-20T23:49:36.026-07:00precious souvenir
it's always fun when i get to see my mother's old work friends. i learn all sorts of things about my mother, like the fact that one of her managers fell hopelessly in love with her, or that she had a "five year plan" (which, sadly, did not include anything about gulags or warm-water ports), or that she was a "math editor." the last is the most mind-boggling: my mother—one of Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1087688590841743422004-06-19T13:32:00.000-07:002004-06-19T16:43:10.840-07:00yellow polka-dot
i have a niggling suspicion that i've started using hyphens in all the wrong places lately. grammar police, if you're still around, could you check that out?
i swam laps for the first time in years yesterday. i wasn't planning to swim laps when i left my house, so i brought a swimsuit that wasn't exactly up to the task. calling it a "swimsuit" is probably being to nice: it's a Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1087546395520232872004-06-18T00:58:00.000-07:002004-06-18T01:18:24.530-07:00waking up is hard to do
why is it that i feel the most awake at strange hours of the morning? i spent the day lazily reading the newspaper, staring up at the sky while pretending to be doing math, and craving ice cream. i finally got the ice cream around nine-thirty with x, and as soon as x was ready for bed, i was ready to face the world.
at which point i was at home. bah.
ice cream was Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1087494808095392712004-06-17T10:38:00.000-07:002004-06-18T00:58:03.156-07:00waking up inside a river
i love mangoes on summer mornings. two cuts, one spoon and ta-da!—breakfast! it's marvy, especially because if i only eat a mango or so i can get up at noon and be hungry when i eat lunch at one-thirty. but as you can see, i'm not up at noon. my mother has put out a mandate for the territories: all members of the household must be moving by ten-thirty. as news of the newPaznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1087427420321374482004-06-16T16:01:00.000-07:002004-06-16T16:10:20.323-07:00love me
yahoo has decided that since i've been such a good, devoted consumer, i deserve a hundred mb inbox. they adore me. actually, i think they just upgraded their services due to gmail being out soon, but i can be in denial about not being the center of the universe, right?
i have spent the entire day writing thank-you notes for graduation stuff. i'm pretty bad at it, but luckily someone Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1087190022762805822004-06-13T21:49:00.000-07:002004-06-13T22:17:55.326-07:00two weeks passed and it happened again
i went on my first road trip last week. palo alto to ashland, oregon, baby! there were four of us: three graduated seniors and my sister. out from under the watchful eyes of our parents, we rebelled in a strangely nora-from-a-doll's-house manner: we ate loads of sweets. we couldn't even make it through the car ride up to oregon without stopping for a binge.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1086634615957225272004-06-07T11:51:00.000-07:002004-06-07T11:58:55.066-07:00will always love you
at midnight last night, i had a cherry stain on my left cheek and everyone had just left. it felt like it was three a.m.
and so the graduation festivities for the weekend ended. never fear—there are still parties left. i had no idea graduating high school took so long. i graduated (gradjamacated? whoo, i need to get more sleep) on saturday. it was nice. and i wore a white Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1086219188720485242004-06-02T16:26:00.000-07:002004-06-02T16:33:08.720-07:00moonlight
my father: what's happening for dinner?
me: well, sol and i are going out...i dunno.
my father: maybe mommy and i will have to go out on a romantic date.
me: probably.
my father: can you actually imagine anyone enjoying a romantic date with me? i think your mother's cuckoo.
i have fish. the senior lounge fish have crashed at my place for the night. j. audrey sent me home with them, Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1085599075860910042004-05-26T12:17:00.000-07:002004-05-31T22:27:21.900-07:00and now for something completely different
utah woman gets her skull back
courtesy of noah.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1085547139260766982004-05-25T21:49:00.000-07:002004-05-25T21:52:19.260-07:00procrastination=masturbation
this is me not doing math.
math: hello, pazzy!
me: i can't see you!
math: oh yes you can. you can see seven hours of your day taken up tomorrow...
me: i can't hear you!
math: let me breathe down your neck.
hhhhhhtorus
fffffffffffsphere
hhhhhhhhhhbinomial
fffffffffgeneratingfunctions
me: stop it!
math: ah-hah! so you acknowledge my existence!
me: shut up.
so long,Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1085381744804883222004-05-23T23:15:00.000-07:002004-05-23T23:55:54.870-07:00important questions
should i live on a coed or single-sex floor next year?
should i take five classes first quarter?
should i stipulate that i need a roommate who is comfortable with nakedness?
should i try to finish my math final tomorrow?
should i go to bed?
answers to any of the above would be highly appreciated.
Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1084859156850998842004-05-17T22:39:00.000-07:002004-05-17T22:47:34.886-07:00burn them! burn them!
i realized in the middle of fake-math (i.e. math class i'm auditing) today that school needs to end soon. the teacher is having everyone make posters now that the AP is over, and in a moment of frustration n, q and i slipped out of the room and sat downstairs eating pastries. whenever the door to the math room opened, we would jump up like a flock of pigeons right before Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1084771020939564782004-05-16T22:06:00.000-07:002004-05-16T22:18:05.523-07:00wake up
prom was last night. prom prom prom. the tradition of a sexless prom (started in ninth grade) (and yes, i am thoroughly ashamed of my ninth-grade whininess, thank you very much) was upheld, with a tired return home and a drop thud straight into bed. my toes aren't bruised today, which is surprising. normally when i wear my heels my toes are blue for half a week. maybe it's because i Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1084414481409391862004-05-12T18:26:00.000-07:002004-05-12T21:38:55.840-07:00trucker hats
me: i wish girls hit on me. they never do.
q: oh?
me: i've actively tried to get them to respond, and nothing. i guess i just suck at flirting with girls.
random guy starts to pass me, slows, makes eye contact.
guy: hey.
little chin lift, flashes a smile, walks by
gah!
also, today is solly-polly's birthday. yay solly!! another year without electrocuting yourself or falling off a Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1084334152063446862004-05-11T20:37:00.000-07:002004-05-11T20:56:20.183-07:00we laughed, we cried, it was better than cats
and so fizzy-fizz icky-icks draws to a close, after eight excruciatingly long months. the ap test was yesterday. thank god. it took me an hour after waking up this morning to realize that i didn't have to study for physics. if you want, i'll do a dance to celebrate this fact.
stayed up til four last night, playing the geekiest rounds of ten fingers Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1083995964765911642004-05-07T22:52:00.000-07:002004-05-07T23:02:38.840-07:00come di
senioritis has hit. in a major way. i have no urge to study and barely enough energy to get to school every day. which is bad, because i have another ap on monday. yay physics.
so i was sitting in the math room not going to meeting this afternoon when the teacher who runs the robotics club came in.
robotics teacher: oh, paz. i was wondering—i just got videos of the robotics competitionPaznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1083860606078681932004-05-06T09:21:00.000-07:002004-05-06T09:27:29.373-07:00not getting tired at all
me: mommy, i'm sleepy. and i'm a second semester senior, and i just took the calc ap yesterday, and you really really should be concerned about my health since i have another ap on monday, so can i skip my first class and sleep in?
my mother: get thee to castilleja, and quickly too!
it wasn't until i got into the car that i realized that my first class today was also myPaznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1083366429540794202004-04-30T15:56:00.000-07:002004-04-30T16:10:17.106-07:00hook me up
i met a japanese cowboy on tuesday night. i ditched my buffness class and went down to san jose to watch him play. i think i'm in love.
he looks more like a punk star than a country singer. he has an adorably raspy voice and can't speak english very well—everything's "hook me up cigarette," "hook me up beer," "hook me up solo, jerry" when the band's playing. he drinks like there's Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1082949975060408782004-04-25T20:18:00.000-07:002004-04-25T20:29:17.546-07:00trogdor
i took a practice calculus ap test today.
how much more boring can an opening sentence get?
conversations have not been my strong point this weekend. witness:
me: i decided on my, um, uh...um...yeah—thingy-thingy...
brad: paz?
me: whatever i was just talking about fled my mind and was replaced with the word "burninator" in all caps.
i think i ought to get some sleep. visited the Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1082526892647316012004-04-20T22:52:00.000-07:002004-04-20T23:11:29.840-07:00dominus
i recently learned that i do not deserve the honor of calling myself a citizen of the bay area. what led me to this conclusion, you ask? my ignorance. yes, my ignorance, eighteen dreaful years of ignorance, of the life and times of emperor norton.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1082428571973061502004-04-19T19:32:00.000-07:002004-04-19T19:42:44.263-07:00hey there nyu
brad: paz, i'm learning how to cook so someday i'll be a good husband.
me: oh. good.
unfortunately, he can't be a good cook until he learns to start the timer.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1082351980093390462004-04-18T21:07:00.000-07:002004-04-18T22:22:35.780-07:00happy feet
it poured today. bucketloads. in amounts comparable to elephant spunk. surprising, it being april. california usually gives the lie to april showers...may flowers. as in, there are no april showers. i think. am i wrong? tell me if i'm wrong.
i saw theater works' current production today. a friend from the last play i was in played one of the sleazeball characters. funny how well thatPaznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1081873249856764742004-04-13T09:14:00.000-07:002004-04-13T09:23:39.966-07:00healthy-shmelthy, it's friday
i had french fries for breakfast. yum yum yum.
i decided to be less antisocial than usual, so i got out of bed at six-thirty (heavens!), put on purple clothing, and went to the creamery. Several lovely lovely juniors to myself and three other seniors out to breakfast. yes, i had french fries, but i didn't have a milkshake, so it was healthier than it could have Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1081832339780112102004-04-12T21:49:00.000-07:002004-04-12T22:02:13.700-07:00dork dork geek!
what we learned in math today with regards to infinite series:
1 - 1/2 -1/4 -1/8... = 0, right?
so:
1 - 1/2 -1/4 -1/8... = 0
0 + 1 - 1/2 -1/4... = 0
0 + 0 + 1 - 1/2... = 0
but if you add up this series infinitely, adding zero each time, you get:
1 - 1/2 -1/4 -1/8... = 0
0 + 1 - 1/2 -1/4... = 0
0 + 0 + 1 - 1/2... = 0
0 + 0 + 0 + 1 ... = 0
.
.
.
+_____________Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1081491905893257922004-04-08T23:18:00.000-07:002004-04-08T23:30:18.186-07:00if i am who i am
renting catch me if you can:
blockbuster clerk #1: you know, you should ask for id's of customers if they don't have their cards.
blockbuster clerk #2: yeah, i know.
me: handing clerk #1 my mother's blockbuster card, which has sharmon j. written clearly on it. hope this is for this store...
clerk #1: yeah, it is.
clerk #2: i'll do that in the future. check the ids, i mean.
Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1081310961933528812004-04-06T20:54:00.000-07:002004-04-06T21:18:32.653-07:00nice people, nice talk
on the subway ride into the city, a man walked through the car yelling "sixteen batteries—one dallar!" a boy across the car from us bought 2 packs, only to be laughed at for falling for the scam. as we left the train, he was chasing after the vendor, his useless packs of powercell batteries dangling from his hands.
new york city smells of packed meat and stale cigarrette Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1081234938491679472004-04-06T00:01:00.000-07:002004-04-06T00:05:28.216-07:00hello and welcome to hipsterville. we hope you enjoy your stay, you poseur
am sleepy.
new york was...smelly. and intriguing. and large.
more later.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1080806112279112122004-03-31T23:54:00.000-08:002004-03-31T23:58:30.793-08:00troubles
the problem with programming tetris is that when it works, playing it is still considered homework.
thus, my being awake at this hour on a wednesday night.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1080538123104510472004-03-28T21:12:00.000-08:002004-03-28T21:31:17.513-08:00non-event
it's over, folks. over and done with. never again will the Mothers call my house and ask about angst poetry. never again with the Mothers stop me on my way to class and say "sweetie! how are you? how's that play coming?" as they bare their bleached, sparkling teeth. never again will i sit on the floor of a hotel ballroom wondering how many starving children we could have fed instead ofPaznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1080196010976147102004-03-24T22:25:00.000-08:002004-03-24T22:29:21.560-08:00horrible, horrible, terrible
fourteen lines i have to mangle
sighing oe’r my love so sweet
lines of woe to spin and tangle
without her alone I bleat.
how to start this silly sonnet?
sigh sigh moan eternity
i’d never trade her for a bonnet
stars at night shine so sweetly
woe is mine; she does not love me
instead her eyes turn somewhere else
leaving me undone, uncomfy
like a lion sans a pelt.
Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1080089506600453732004-03-23T16:20:00.000-08:002004-03-23T16:56:58.326-08:00number 27
i didn't make this up. i swear. it came with the caption "this should be fun to do with the kids!"
RESURRECTION COOKIES
1C. Whole Pecans
1 tsp. Vinegar
3 Egg Whites
Pinch of Salt
1 C. Sugar
Zipper Baggie
Wooden Spoon
Tape
Bible
Preheat oven to 300 F.
Place pecans in zipper baggie and let children beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces. Explain that Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1079939682803099172004-03-21T23:07:00.000-08:002004-03-21T23:17:10.496-08:00this muffin reminds me of the balmy air of the island of hawaii
saw ghosts at the berkeley rep today. resolved two things:
one. i have to be an actress so that i can play ibsen's heroines.
two. i need to be in a play. soon. i'm going crazy here.
this weekend has felt strange. it's been long/short, long in that i haven't done any schoolwork since wednesday and short in that i haven't done any Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1079547621718878142004-03-17T10:10:00.000-08:002004-03-17T10:22:44.796-08:00tango, yoda, tango!
dinner.
me: aah! my lemonade is spilling out of the crack in my cup i didn't see! help!
sol: teehee, you have lemonade on your pesto.
brad: no! don't put it into another cup—there may be chunks of glass in it, and then you would drink them and die!
me: i wouldn't die. you're exaggerating.
brad: let me see that cup—hah! i win!
runs into kitchen and pours lemonade down sink
Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1079422686775837592004-03-15T23:30:00.000-08:002004-03-15T23:40:45.030-08:00cry me a river, build me a bridge and get over it
11:30 is a good time for dinner, right? right. i thought so too.
it's amazing how long a body can go without food if it has some sort of decent distraction. like, for example, tech week for short plays. with...erm...a few intriguing actors. sitting in the booth, iris and i dream that this is survivor-style short plays, and that we get to vote Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1078979622523110282004-03-10T20:16:00.000-08:002004-03-10T20:35:58.843-08:00dustpan of despair
one of the Mothers: hello, is paz available?
me: it's me...
the Mother: oh, paz! this is ---. i'm calling about your bio for the senior celebration?
me: yes?
the Mother: well, there's one word here i couldn't quite read.
me: oh. woops. sorry about that.
the Mother: "in the nuclear winter following world war three, i will compose something poetry..."
me: angsty.
the Mother: ok,Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1078877960479802162004-03-09T16:16:00.000-08:002004-03-09T16:21:35.903-08:00five year plan
the onion: "soviets mourn loss of stalin"
posted with special care for my beloved, if misguided, friend, the right-wing conspirator.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1078419134044511932004-03-04T08:41:00.000-08:002004-03-04T08:54:23.653-08:00pigeon-toed
it has been demanded that i blog, and since i am a bleeding-heart liberal hippy, i must obey.
i voted for the first time on tuesday. it was very exciting. i wore my sticker prominently on my breast for the rest of the day. (i was also wearing a shirt, never fear. and a bra. and socks.) in 1992, when i was in first grade, the fourth grade teacher came as a voting booth for halloween.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1078297992908427052004-03-02T23:08:00.000-08:002004-03-02T23:15:21.640-08:00the seven deadly sins
i applied for a very, very stupid scholarship. it's stupidity was so great that the website it was on had a link to http://duenow.com/. now, i invite you to go look at the site. notice how it offers papers written by others to pass off as your own. then, notice how it has a link to a "plagiarism report" at the top which explains, kindly, "why you should avoid free paper Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1078161815376309542004-03-01T08:55:00.000-08:002004-03-01T09:26:39.200-08:00parsley, sage
the electricity was out to get me. i was directing a play, and every few minutes j. would come in and inform me that the lights had short-circuited. we were worried about fires, so i'd herd all the little sophomores and freshmen out the front door and make them sit around while i went back to check out the damage. i couldn't find the main fuse, so i couldn't switch off the Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1078121013737013732004-02-29T21:55:00.000-08:002004-02-29T22:06:31.246-08:00wanna be your
johnny depp, johnny depp, why the hell are you so fucking gorgeous?
alright, that's enough of that.
as i drove brad home today, he once again demonstrated his geekiness:
brad: i bought four new magic cards today. for a dollar. they were cheap!
me: where'd you get them?
brad: there's this place in the san antonio mall...
me: wait. do you mean --- ---?
brad: yeah. it's kinda Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1077811961289053032004-02-26T08:06:00.000-08:002004-02-26T08:14:44.403-08:00judah and sons
i think someone needs to write the musical "onan and the amazing wrath-causing wasted seed." imagine the possibilities. onan could sing a song:
i'm supposed to impregnate my sister-in-law
but the baby wouldn't be mine under the law
so i think i'll simply waste the seed
i'm sure God won't pay it any heed.
so now i'll waste waste waste
(ooh that feels good)
and spill spill spill
(Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1077653604755314142004-02-24T12:11:00.000-08:002004-02-24T23:12:55.546-08:00wet
caddie: haven't you heard of wet t-shirt contests?
me: yeah...
caddie: wouldn't that be fun?
me: what?...how?!
caddie: well, demeaning women! what's not fun about that?Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1077652727507622512004-02-24T11:51:00.000-08:002004-02-24T12:02:24.530-08:00i want a cave man!
have decided that fluttering over teachers is so 2003.
am sitting here in programming. am not programming. am pretending to program. watch me glance at the teacher's large projected screen. mmm, large.
i mean...
am learning about lists, and the fluffiness of the teacher's cat. also his birthday. this is a most educational class. apparently, the teacher has a "we" in his Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1077420548204399062004-02-21T19:26:00.000-08:002004-02-21T19:31:45.920-08:00cambodia, home of the free
the cambodian king is so much cooler than my grandfather.
Cambodian king backs gay marriage
Cambodia's King Norodom Sihanouk has shown that advancing years are no barrier to an open mind and liberal attitude.
After watching television images of gay marriages in San Francisco, the 81-year-old monarch has decided that single sex weddings should be allowed in CambodiaPaznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1077393735277368182004-02-21T12:01:00.000-08:002004-02-21T12:04:13.700-08:00too sexy for my shirt
i will marry—yes, marry—anyone who gets me one of these.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1077316709237332922004-02-20T13:05:00.000-08:002004-02-20T14:40:26.280-08:00this ain't no mecca man
skills necessary to make a floor-length white dress:
*ability to drive
*ability to handle oversized crescent wrench
*ability to discuss one's future plans (college, major, that you're NOT GETTING MARRIED despite the dress) with talkative vietnamese fabric-store clerks
*a basic understanding of different types of fabric
-or-
*confidence when asking questions like "where Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1077259708255975282004-02-19T22:38:00.000-08:002004-02-19T22:50:24.670-08:00this place is fucked
mmm, theater. tomorrow night, i perform the role of "china girl," a mayan prostitute with white pancake make-up who gets butt-raped by douglas macarthur. i shit you not. even better, i get to sing a song (i don't know the tune, so i suppose chant is a better description). the song is lovely lovely. an excerpt of the lyrics:
me no likee chinaman
me likee tall and blue-eyed Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1076971956223044342004-02-16T14:46:00.000-08:002004-02-16T14:54:29.873-08:00ow
today is a lethargy day.
today i'm sitting at my computer, not doing what i'm supposed to be doing. drop stuff off at goodwill? bah. plan my graduation dress? hah! nothing is happening, nothing is going to happen. i'll sit here and stare at the screen and fritter my time away until it's dinner.
my desk is a mess. without moving anything, i can see four schoolbooks (selected poetry: rilke, Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1076884813865747972004-02-15T14:27:00.000-08:002004-02-15T14:50:00.576-08:00fading
"said a girl who upon her divan
was attacked by a virile young man:
'such an excess of passion
is quite out of fashion'
and she fractured his wrist with her fan."
--edward gorey
i spent hours in purgatory yesterday. it was disguised as the stanford shopping center, but the clever splashes of color and "SALE" written everywhere did not fool me. it was the waiting room to hell.
(and yes,Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1076362897581785882004-02-09T13:40:00.000-08:002004-02-09T13:43:23.450-08:00geek moment
him: so, yes. we're strangely charming.
me: like quarks!Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1075958404393933812004-02-04T21:19:00.000-08:002004-02-04T21:21:45.843-08:00on computers and their uses
this just in from my programming teacher:
Home Computers...are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
--Doug Larson
Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1075770134305908212004-02-02T16:59:00.000-08:002004-02-02T17:03:53.826-08:00and there was morning and there was evening
male english teacher: your bible is in my classroom.
me: thank you! i've been looking for it!
male english teacher: i found it in the men's restroom.
how it got in there, i have no idea. i certainly didn't put it there...
this afternoon, the most adorable little boy spat on me. he was scratching at the paint on the lockers, and i asked him what he Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1075702797943033682004-02-01T22:18:00.000-08:002004-02-01T22:27:05.233-08:00dammit!
sol: what's the word for someone who attracts lechers?
me: i don't think there is—
sol: oh, right. it's paz!
ouch. my own flesh and blood, my younger sister...
Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1075588463998737872004-01-31T14:33:00.000-08:002004-01-31T14:36:01.090-08:00libertine
ahem. a very moving piece of cinematography: bush in 41.2 seconds.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1075359264343276702004-01-28T22:53:00.000-08:002004-01-28T23:25:11.246-08:00welcome this night
to any of my fellow cast members who stumble across this page: welcome!
"you see, it is simply a very young girl's record of her own thoughts and impressions, and consequently meant for publication."
--Oscar WildePaznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1075336551281025382004-01-28T16:27:00.000-08:002004-01-28T16:37:25.326-08:00evangelical
so we're standing in jamba juice, waiting for our drinks. sol and i look rather ridiculous as we're still in dress whites from school today. we go over to read scintillating nutritional information regarding the beverage i am about to consume, when i notice that a man in a funny red cap is addressing us.
man in funny red cap: girls! girls!
us: huh?
man in funny red cap: this will Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1075266991611347342004-01-27T21:14:00.000-08:002004-01-27T21:18:05.200-08:00rolling on
me, the past eight months: oooh! oooh! i get to take bible as literature next year!
everyone else: paz, you're a geek.
me, tonight: ooh! i'm taking bible! it's really cool! i want to get a tape of the bible and play it in my car!
brad: um...paz...are you ok?
in other news,
Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1074927624400523322004-01-23T23:00:00.000-08:002004-01-23T23:01:54.216-08:00queen
note to self: grow up.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1074896014974884082004-01-23T14:12:00.000-08:002004-01-23T14:22:43.060-08:00flunk, flunky, flunkarific
finals are over.
huzzah! i am a second semester senior.
a snippet from backstage:
him: break a leg.
me: break many legs.
him: what do you think i am, a fucking arachnid?Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1074323889961890472004-01-16T23:05:00.000-08:002004-01-16T23:26:27.420-08:00we'll be together whatever the weather
hello again...ready for another show? got your eleven lines down?
ha. yeah, i know.
brr. it's cold in here. i hate the way it's always cold backstage at the beginning. oh, no, really—okay, fine, i'll borrow your jacket.
yeah, i'm a little warmer now. wait, what? you need it back already? alright. break a leg!
yeah, you sounded fine. i don't know, i Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1074126025068486262004-01-14T16:19:00.000-08:002004-01-14T16:21:45.530-08:00final paper
as time passes by
my thesis grows too complex.
thus, it is shortened.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1073765354503425242004-01-10T12:05:00.000-08:002004-01-10T12:11:04.966-08:00oooh, stuffies...
look, dad! i'm buzz lightyear!Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-107345429562705482004-01-06T21:40:00.000-08:002004-01-06T21:46:08.123-08:00hellll
the hell that is writing a senior talk. i hate you, i hate you, i hate you.
however, i am eighteen. hah! what was the first thing i did on my eighteenth birthday, you ask? why, that is a silly question! i say. i mailed in my voter registration form.
i am now a registered democrat.
unfortunately, i don't think i'll make it to a strip club until february. thus, i sigh loudly.
sigh.
sighPaznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1073111578309599342004-01-02T22:30:00.000-08:002004-01-02T22:34:06.873-08:00aikiwhat?
alan: so this is your certificate of black belthood, huh?
daddy: yes. i don't know what it says, though.
alan: well...this is aikido....this is your name...and this says...um...right person now boat.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1072985949191551602004-01-01T11:15:00.000-08:002004-01-01T11:41:23.996-08:00mayfly 2004
flirted. stressed about plays, then did five. protested iraq. loved brad a lot. applied to/accepted into UIWTWM. good year.
and now for the funny part: resolutions!
i resolve not to let my schedule take me away from brad for two weeks.
i admit, that's quite snark-worthy.
last night was quite odd. we went dancing on the u.s.s. hornet, a battleship that i don't think has been usedPaznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1072855203713294612003-12-30T23:00:00.000-08:002003-12-30T23:23:10.700-08:00dream like kundera
the physics classroom isn't the one that i actually take physics in. the students are a mix of strangers and familiar faces, and the teacher is telling us about some stretch we ought to be doing. the two girls in french maid outfits giggle and bend over.
instead of a backpack, i brought a crate of tangerines to class. one of the girls gasps and declares that the crate means Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1072208162143598782003-12-23T11:30:00.000-08:002003-12-23T11:37:16.716-08:00celebrate
happy day before the big parties start!
what to do today:
clean the desk
clean the bedroom
clean the kitchen
clean the bathroom
clean the carpets
clean the fridge
clean the sister
clean the dead transistors
clean the sofa
clean the telly
clean the wrapping
what to do tomorrow:
make everything messy again, with the assistance of 30-odd guests.
WOOHOO!Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1071909070821572602003-12-20T00:21:00.000-08:002003-12-20T00:35:29.576-08:00and then it was break
i have cuts all over my hands from hanging up evergreen garland all over the house. does this indicate that am i destined to become a frustrated housewife whose creative energy is secreted in nice wrapped packages with hand-dyed ribbons? probably. i don't mind, tonight.
i had an epiphany in russian history today. if/when i have children, i will raise them as jews. jewish Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1071644903231269862003-12-16T22:59:00.000-08:002003-12-16T23:41:47.140-08:00what i want to write
dear, darling kekoa:
this letter is very hard for me to write, because i know that it will affect you. before i continue, i want you to know that this isn't about you, it's about me. it's about what i want. i have a life in front of me that i need to focus on. someone else wants me, and i want them.
it's been a wonderful few months since that day when we met. don't get me Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1071455405220978122003-12-14T18:25:00.000-08:002003-12-15T17:28:59.780-08:00postmarked by
the letter arrived thursday. it sat on the table—white. it reflected the glare of the ceiling lights. the writing on it was red. dark red. the edges were sharp lines against the wooden slats of the table. the corners, angular, stared up at me. its shadow was an asymmetrical splotch on the floor. i picked it up. it crinkled. i left the room.
when i came back, i read it. i realized Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1071248638894563172003-12-12T09:02:00.000-08:002003-12-12T09:10:05.310-08:00fizzy fizz
teacher: so the charge essentially "rolls" across the charged area, bouncing back and forth and back and forth, etc.
caddie and me: roll, roll, roll in ze hay!Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1070776398337346322003-12-06T21:47:00.000-08:002003-12-06T21:53:59.903-08:00philosophical discussion
the daddoth: if god is infinitely large, is his penis infinitely long?
brad: it's as long as he wants it to be.
me: which reminds me—brad raised an interesting question in the car today. suppose a man has a very, very large penis: would it eventually become so big that he couldn't get an erection due to lack of blood pressure?
michael: actually, i had a client—
me: what?Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1070429375065108152003-12-02T21:19:00.000-08:002003-12-02T21:32:13.450-08:00truck
it's very frustrating to be stuck behind a truck.
especially when said truck is attempting to back into your front bumper, and the person behind you can't quite seem to get the idea that they need to move. NOW.
it gets even more frustrating when you're in a parking lot with lots of empty spaces just beyond the truck that is slowly pushing you away from them.
and then when the truck gives Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1070260447805972602003-11-30T22:30:00.000-08:002003-11-30T22:34:43.780-08:00unsex me!
so. someone had the bright idea of writing a...well, it looks like a musical. a musical in which lady macbeth sings a song about how randy someone named humphrey makes her. visit it. scroll down; the song begins right after the line "Brunch! Get thee from this castle!"
hmm...Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1070009232093686332003-11-28T00:27:00.000-08:002003-11-28T00:48:43.310-08:00tonight i don't want to sleep again. i want to stay up and watch people swing. i want to talk silly talk about how school has changed since the woman whose tie i'm wearing graduated.
snippets:
(thirty-year-ishs swinging)
(good vegan indian food)
t: why is it called yam foofoo?
s: in things fall apart they're always eating yam foofoo. so my mother named it after that.
t: ok...well...it's good.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1069222315222290932003-11-18T22:08:00.000-08:002003-11-18T22:13:29.623-08:00fiction
when she got home, she turned on the radio. it blared loud, angry music in the tuneless fashion of the here-and-now. she sat down to write for him, like she'd promised, but no words came.
then she got up and danced to the crashing drums, giddy in the knowledge that he would find her completely unattractive in the state she was in now.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1069012878808478312003-11-16T11:39:00.000-08:002003-11-16T12:11:12.950-08:00university of granola
airport
paz: hi, i'm paz. i'm assuming that you're here to pick me up and take me to university of granola, since you're carrying a brightly colored pennant that says "u of g" on it.
admissions officer: yes, i am here from u of g. welcome to smoggy socal.
paz: thanks. sorry that my plane got delayed—have you been waiting long?
admissions officer: oh, it doesn't matter, Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1068692562021665312003-11-12T19:01:00.000-08:002003-11-12T19:02:39.550-08:00school meeting
dean of students: ok guys, uniform check. navy blue or white shirt on top, and what underneath?
everyone: navy blue or white!
dean of students: wrong. only white shirts are allowed underneath.
student: but why?!
dean of students: because we don't love you.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1068616754141728432003-11-11T21:43:00.000-08:002004-01-27T21:24:41.216-08:00don't stare at my resumé
i auditioned last night. i auditioned at a local community theater for the part of the manicurist in the play born yesterday. i had signed up for a 9:00 pm slot, so I showed up at 8:54 at the lucie stern center and proceeded to get lost. at approximately 9:03, i arrived in the audition room via the locked back door. i then waited for forty minutes before my number came Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1068009489556683302003-11-04T21:17:00.000-08:002003-11-04T21:18:07.950-08:00we gather here today
"Gertrude M. Jones
Word has been received that Gertrude M. Jones, 81, passed away on August 25, 2003, under the loving care of the nursing aides of Heritage Manor of Mandeville, Louisiana. She was a native of Lebanon, KY. She was a retired Vice President of Georgia International Life Insurance Company of Atlanta, GA. Her husband, Warren K. Jones predeceased her. Two Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1067926716454391312003-11-03T22:15:00.001-08:002003-11-03T22:20:22.193-08:00poetry shmoetry
Or the moment when
Breathless, the Beloved labored over you
Reaching and striving, and you, numb, felt a listless yearning
welling up in your breast—your very cells screamed
across the void, crying for a melding contact
beyond the vaulting blue-lit darkness of your mind.
And then, just as you felt yourself about to burst
and crack like an overripe cherry
the Beloved relaxed Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1067838026241329792003-11-02T21:27:00.000-08:002003-11-02T21:41:27.860-08:00pictures
after finishing the application for the University I Want To Want Me friday, i ventured forth to dispose of it in the appropriate office on the second floor of an elusive building in the middle of the campus. i made the mistake of using yahoo! directions, and after discovering that said directions wanted me to drive through a building which housed the school of business, i gave up and Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1067404340236450472003-10-28T21:07:00.000-08:002003-10-28T21:12:49.803-08:00sleepy@silly.ar
wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone's email address was simply what one thought they should be? for example, i might choose to email jenna_wenna@juju.com and it would reach exactly who i wanted it to. if i felt that someone was being obnoxious, i could inform them of this by simply sending them something at obnoxioustwerp@overbearing.net. if i wanted to ingratiate myself with Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1067319450417451412003-10-27T21:29:00.000-08:002003-10-27T21:37:29.686-08:00applicate, supplicate, duplicate
i have an almost-finished application, and you're beautiful.
just felt the need to get that out there.
now, i shall leave you with this to ponder.Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1066967300509872662003-10-23T20:47:00.000-07:002003-10-23T20:48:20.146-07:00rilkean spam
and now, to return to my favorite subject: spammers say the darndest things!
"invention of weird devices. The man's name was Ctesibius. We know
Wish You Had a Bigger Penis?
country;--Goethe, whom the great creations of poetical fancy have
We Can Help you Safelywhen I placed my head upon my pillow, sleep crept over me; I felt it
Bonus Increased Stamina and Sex Driveambulance stationPaznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1066774711456482022003-10-21T15:16:00.000-07:002003-10-21T22:18:29.730-07:00physical science
the teacher: suppose we put a giant iron ring around the earth's equator.
c: what, like a chastity belt?
q: what?!
c: you know, so the republicans can't rape her or something?
k: but how can she be a mother if she's wearing a chastity belt?Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1066698200550792912003-10-20T17:24:00.000-07:002003-10-20T18:10:34.433-07:00surreality
audition. today. at the University I Want To Want Me (UIWTWM).
the first hitch happened about twenty minutes before the audition. i arrived on campus only to realize that i had no quarters, so no way to pay for parking. thus commenced the mad runaround looking for people with quarters, which was a failure. i was forced to leave the parking space i had found in search of more Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1066265275275752942003-10-15T17:40:00.000-07:002003-10-15T17:47:54.746-07:00pity party of one
i'm sick. i've been enthralled to the queen of snot land for the past four or five days, and i've been very whiny about it. i have not, however, missed any school, and actually came to school earlier than usual yesterday to meet with a teacher about college stuff. therefore, this morning, i decided that i deserved to sleep in and miss the class i'm the TA for. i asked my motherPaznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1066198133151673862003-10-14T23:06:00.000-07:002003-10-14T23:08:53.183-07:00crisis at home
my father, holding an unidentified object to his head: this is the end of me as you know it.
sol: no!! no!!
mommy: what is that?
sees it; eyes grow wide
my god, get that away from you!
my father: this is it.
sol: no! don't use the fart extinguisher, it's mine!Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1066003642366559262003-10-12T13:44:00.000-07:002003-10-12T22:56:38.293-07:00i can't be bothered now
i went to a castilleja dance last night. for the first time since freshman year. and i discovered that i have turned into a sensible middle-aged woman.
i had completely forgotten how derogatory the combination of high school dance mixed with mainstream rap is. the lyrics, for one thing: "from their fake eyelashes, fake ass, fake nails down to their toes, [unintelligible Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1065763890791123332003-10-09T22:26:00.000-07:002003-10-09T22:32:03.723-07:00lessons learned
note to self: if one plans to make mashed potatoes, one should not boil them without peeling the skin off of them.
i mean, that was the only thing we did differently this time. same amount of butter and milk, same amount of time with the electric mixer...and. um. our result was much closer to glue than mashed potatoes. it was, well, gloppy. and looked kind of like some sort of Paznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1931576.post-1065748266337445602003-10-09T17:57:00.000-07:002003-10-09T18:11:06.360-07:00i, _____, do hereby state that
so moveon, our favorite political action committee, has started a new campaign: help president bush figure out how to find the person who leaked valerie plame's name to the press. according to reuters, plame "was probably the single highest target of any possible terrorist organization or hostile intelligence service that might want to do damage." (article)
so Paznoreply@blogger.com